A letter to myself at the Crossroads

A slightly less crazy junction than this one in Havana....only slightly mind!

We're back! After a wonderful honeymoon in Cuba, which I'm going to tell you all about someday soon.
Today though I just want to record, for myself, a little on how I'm feeling right now. I don't think I have any proper followers so I'm using my little blog to journal my life for myself to look back on (hopefully) to see my progress in future years.

It's no great surprise I guess that after all the excitement of last month and all the lifechangingness of pretty much becoming a different person (well in name at least) that I'm feeling like I'm at a cross-roads. It's not really PND (Post Nuptial Depression) but more a feeling like I'm at a point where I need to have an overhaul and embrace a whole new me. I've even been contemplating having a clear-out and throwing old things away......which for a self-confessed hoarder like me is a BIGGIE!

I always knew that August to the end of the year a big wave was going to hit our little Peachy boat and it looks like it's arrived - I just have to decide which way to row and make sure we don't capsize.
We spotted the wave coming from miles off, way back in June when we were knee deep in wedding planning (not the ideal time) and Mr P was pretty much forced into taking redundancy at his current place of employment. I knew that it was my turn to step up and support Mr P, just as he has done for me in recent years. As much freedom as working in our little boutique gives me to explore all the little arty projects I love, it is also HUGELY limiting financially (what little we take often has to be plowed back into the business, family wages always come last) can be quite stifling creatively & socially (as there's pretty much just me) and on top of this I'm more than ready to put the old brain cells back into action before any more die off! That last bit we saw coming way further back but, when you work for a family business it's a heavily woven blanket of responsibilities, connections and ties that you just can't snip yourself free all that easily. You have to make sure things are tied off neatly so that they don't unravel.
But, I always knew that I was going to have to start exploring my work options again as of now. Previously, I worked in financial services, which I kind of fell into by happenstance after university. Given that I've essentially had a career break for the past 3 years, I feel like now i'm going back into looking for some kind of corporate employment again (and a steady wage) I'd like to make the break into something more creative, because that's what I always felt I lacked working in finance. I loved being involved in projects and developing things, whenever I got to use my creativity a bit more.

Somewhere in the back of my mind is a dream to develop my art and eventually live off my work. We met a fantastic lady in Cuba, half of another couple also on their honeymoon, who works as a self-employed graphic designer specialising in wedding stationary. I've taken a look at her work since we got home and it's fab. She had so much passion and drive for what she does. I don't think she makes a fortune, but enough to support her 3 children, new husband (who is a musician) and afford a holiday to Cuba...so enough I think. I've also been following with interest the girl who blogs at The Blackbird Sings, who is an artist and (just) I think manages to live off her work. I find her blog really interesting to see the working process and how she sells her work. I also re-found Lisa Congdon, who is similarly a graphic artist and illustrator, but far more established, again who appears to make quite a healthy income from her work. (thanks Etsy's 'sold items' sections for helping me to work this out)

However, dreams of earning a healthy wage from freelance work might have to form part of a two-pronged attack. Let's take it back to the wave analogy and say that I will need an engine as back up, whilst I work out how to use the sails. That engine is going to have to be corporate employment, but hopefully starting somewhere a little more creative. And along-side I'm going to devote just as much time and attention to developing my own freelance work, as a longer term project for our future.

I had hoped to give myself a good few months to form a rock-solid plan, investigating and finding the perfect job, and tying off all the ends at our boutique passing it all back my mum in a solid position. But again that old thing called circumstance pops up - turns out my mum has other ideas, like having a big paddy, and now i'm going to have to work super hard at trying to fall on my feet into the perfect job, with no time at all to plan it. Let's hope a more financially happier, creatively more energised and career-wise stabler me looks back on this post knowingly in times to come!